A game industry Insider sits well postured at his desk. In front of him is a monitor, with a Skype chat to <insert your favourite “leaker” here>.

Leaker: “Hey do u have any news for me?”

Behind him is a gun pushing against his skull. With every second that passes the Insider believes he can hear clicks coming from the internals of the gun. The once cold barrel pushing into the back of his next has gotten hot, the front sights feeling like a hot knife stabbing with every little quiver.

“Is your body ready?”

The Insider starts typing everything he is told. An overclocked unit when it’s dock. Delays of the most anticipated titles. A turn-based strategy role-playing game featuring Mario and Rabbids. Tears roll down his cheeks. “THIS IS INSANE,” he screams, a crack in his voice as his mind races trying to make sense of the situation. The gun just pushes harder into his skull, making him realise now is not the time to question. Never is there time to question.

He removes his hands from the keyboard, placing them over his face to sob. His work is inspected and sent. “I’m glad we could do this,” says Reggie as he heads to the door. The Insider falls off his chair, curling up into a ball and howling at the ordeal. Reggie turns back. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten.” He slams a copy of Dragon Quest VIII for 3DS on the floor. The Insider scrambles over to the copy and grasps it like a toddler reaching for mother’s hand.

“I’ve got so many more sources I need to see today.” As the door closes the Insider gets to his feet, scurrying to peer out the window. Reggie steps into a clown’s head as the propeller whizzes him off through the sky.

The Insider goes back to his computer, finds his previous review of Dragon Quest VIII and uses ‘Synonyms’ in Microsoft Word to change it up a bit. He then plays Dark Souls 3.

I hope that this tale has taught you a valuable lesson. If you’re going to leak information about upcoming video games, get a chair with proper head support so that when those you wrong come around you aren’t left vulnerable.

The Official Nintendo Switch Event will be streamed worldwide Friday January 13th at 15:00 AEDT.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post Navigation